people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
