I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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