i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
