Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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