Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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