in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
