I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
