no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
