We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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