I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
