WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
