so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
