you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
