I think I am morally bankrupt
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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