You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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