It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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