why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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