fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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