:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
