Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
