But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
