you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
