She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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