Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
