If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
