Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
