no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
