Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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