Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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