You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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