I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
