I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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