Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
