we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
