And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
