I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
