Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
