VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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