would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
