alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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