i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
