He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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