matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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