Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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