I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
