Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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