Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
