youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
