he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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