clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
