I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
