That's intense
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
